Homeopathy for women and children, holistic care for women throughout the lifecycle. Practical tools for healthy and growing families. Serving Ramat Beit Shemesh. http://binahbaby.com Wed, 10 Apr 2013 11:20:25 +0000 Wed, 10 Apr 2013 11:20:25 +0000 hourly 1 3600 SnapPages.com Dr Shoshana Kesner Dr Shoshana Kesner
What Happened to Binah Baby?  I am still here... just look a little deeper. See? I am still here.

After much soul searching, business auditing, and future facing- I am making changes to my professional life.

I am going to focus on my homeopathy practice- this is the education my late [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/04/10/still-using-binah Wed, 10 Apr 2013 11:20:25 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/04/10/still-using-binah
What Happened to Binah Baby?  I am still here... just look a little deeper. See? I am still here.

After much soul searching, business auditing, and future facing- I am making changes to my professional life.

I am going to focus on my homeopathy practice- this is the education my late husband supported me through, and I miss it.

It's Alan, z'l, whose merit I have the knowledge and wisdom that is Binah Baby- the essence of Dr Shoshana Kesner- simply, me. He taught me about doctoring holistically, as he was the best chiropractic doctor -ever. He believed in me, and said over and over again, "Start to use your degrees-in the open! Out yourself, woman!". He loved that his wife was a Doctor of Homeopathy. He was so proud of me. And he would tell anyone about it, whether they cared to hear him, or not! I wasn't ready to do this work after I lost him. But, I feel stronger, now.

My homeopathic practice is so important to your well being, and mine. I use my training in everything I do, I always have. I miss my work at its most intense level.

(Just for transparency: I did not treat my husband with homeopathy throughout his illness. One cannot treat family. I have no regrets, I loved him with all of me. I was his wife, advocate and partner, not his doctor. I was totally focused in his medical care, and supporting him through his long suffering.)

So, my dear and loyal readers and clients, here I am. My days of minimizing myself, are over.

I am still Binah Baby... inside. The Mommy Place is inside the clinic. I will still provide some classes I feel are crucial to well families. You will see experts you need, as part of the clinic. Binah Baby is still training postpartum doulas, too, btw.

I recommend, no... I insist you continue to seek out the care of conventional medical doctors! I am not an anti-allopathic person. But I will say, some of those medicines are wicked horrible. Some of them are amazing. It works that way with everything in life.

I have the sincere desire to see you well and thrive.

Welcome to my practice. I am Dr. Shoshana Kesner. How can I help you, today?






]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/04/10/still-using-binah#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/04/08/separation-without-tears Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:43:46 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/04/08/separation-without-tears
Create Schedules with Baby in Mind

• Instead of trying to fit baby into the existing pre-baby schedule, come up with creative ways to design new routines that include the baby
  
• Consider getting exercise by taking walks with baby in a sling, and working with employers to create a schedule that maximizes both parents' time with their child
  

Practical Tips for Short Separations

• Use a trusted caregiver to whom the child is attached and who supports your Parenting
  
• Respect the child's feelings and follow his lead about his readiness to separate, using creativity to avoid unnecessary anxious experiences
• Accept that even older children have occasional difficulties with separation
• Avoid using shame, fear, threats or intimidation to force the separation, or to attempt to prevent children from crying about it
• It is critically important that parents who are separated from their children spend very focused and intentional time reconnecting with their child after separation
• Different children are ready for separation at different ages, but research shows separations of longer than two nights can be very difficult for children under the age of three
  

Working and Alternate Caregivers

• Explore a variety of economic and work arrangement options to permit your child to be cared for by one or both parents.
• It is extremely important to have continuity of care with a consistent, loving, caregiver
• Parents should expect and encourage their child to form an attachment to the caregiver
• Frequent turnover of caregivers can be very damaging to the parenting process
  
• Make the transition to a caregiver well in advance of any separation so that it is a gradual process and is comfortable for the child
• Minimizing the number of hours in non-parental care as much as possible provides the best opportunity for a child to build secure attachments with parents
  
• Holding and cuddling helps parents and babies reconnect after being apart. Include the child in day-to-day tasks, and spend non-work time with family
  

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/04/08/separation-without-tears#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
The early days with a baby can be difficult because you are going to hold, handle, bath, feed, change and understand this new little person. Even if you’ve done this before, you may find yourself thinking “I forgot how tiny newborns are…” Welcome [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/03/07/the-fourth-trimester Thu, 07 Mar 2013 23:21:18 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/03/07/the-fourth-trimester
The early days with a baby can be difficult because you are going to hold, handle, bath, feed, change and understand this new little person. Even if you’ve done this before, you may find yourself thinking “I forgot how tiny newborns are…” Welcome to the fourth trimester.

In this fourth trimester, a mother is recovering from birth. We know that mothers need rest and to recover. It is also the time that mothers must adjust emotionally and intellectually to the changes in her life as a woman- wife, mother, daughter, and friend. Becoming a mother is a process, an inseparable and forever present part of who a woman is and will be for the rest of her life. She must renegotiate the relationships with the people in her life.

The needs of parents in the fourth trimester have been neglected in western society, as we live in a mobile world. Indeed, we are olim and we live thousands of miles away from our first support system.  We are independent.  We have developed expectations which are detrimental and never in history, has a cohesive society been so fragmented in its expectations of growing families. Life circumstances change as years go on, we change jobs, homes, schools, friends, we lose loved ones through normal lifecycle changes, and we gain different understanding of our connections to our faith, practice and ourselves.

Moms need sleep and feeding support. They want healthy and responsible advice on integrating their new role of mommy into their roles as wives, daughters, and friends- and even how to work and manage family. They want to know if the healing process they are experiencing is normal. Moms want to know how to get into the best shape they can, in order to feel like they can function optimally. They want to understand the plethora of information they read and receive, because there is so much- what does it all mean? What is the best?

Parents are expected to “bounce back” sooner after birth, than any other society has demanded of new mothers and fathers. This is hurting the process of developing families. We need to make available educated information which can be adapted to the personal needs of the receiver (the parents).

In order to improve the situation that our society has placed on new mothers and fathers, we need to do the following:

• Provide knowledgeable, nonjudgmental support to growing families (and not just for first-timers!)
• Offer opportunities for mothers to bond with baby and other mothers, to develop and expand their social support system.
• Provide easy and affordable access to experts in sleep, feeding, personal development matters.

This is the way of Binah Baby- The Mommy Place. It is a treasure trove in your neighborhood, for you and with you. I believe that the fourth trimester is a most wondrous time; it is filled with great love, opportunities to grow, learn and set oneself on the path of becoming the parent you want to be.




]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/03/07/the-fourth-trimester#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
Can an infant be willful? Can they refuse to sleep, refuse to eat, refuse to be soothed?

NO.

The problem with sticking a label on a child is that, they stick. They truly carry these [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/27/the-difficult-baby-syndrome Sun, 27 Jan 2013 10:20:03 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/27/the-difficult-baby-syndrome
Can an infant be willful? Can they refuse to sleep, refuse to eat, refuse to be soothed?

NO.

The problem with sticking a label on a child is that, they stick. They truly carry these labels.  A child with colic is often seen as difficult. Is the child difficult, or is the stage difficult? An infant with colic is in pain, and really can’t fix the hurt. They want to sleep, but cant. They want to eat, but it hurts. And as the parent, you care!

It hurts you, that the baby is hurting. You want it to stop. You want the crying to stop, the sleeping to start. The eating to be satisfying and you want to bond with this baby! But the colic is this big, bad boogie monster stopping it all.

The label is damaging.  Labels are the way we make sense of things… good, bad, right, wrong, easy, hard.

All this begins from the day our babies are born. Within 24 hours of a person coming into this world, they are labeled poor sleepers, fussy eaters, and poor eaters... what a negative way to feel about a child from birth! How does that affect how this baby is parented?
A baby with colic is not doing it to the parent, we can agree on this. Well, when it’s the 3rd hour of crying, it certainly feels like a punishment!  Is the infant being willful? No. But so many mothers are affected by colic, and labels last.

It affects how that child will be parented.  An infant, who had colic, might be labeled as hard. That child will have a tantrum (as all children do) and will be seen as “the hard infant who is a challenging toddler” the toddler will grow, might refuse to take a bath and be seen as the “colicky baby who became a challenging toddler and is now a willful child”!
It happens, a lot. Be careful of the tendency to label a baby! It might hold like super glue.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/27/the-difficult-baby-syndrome#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby fantastic tool to use in connecting with family, friends, colleagues and clients. What it is not: a place to solve your parenting woes.

I am sorry to burst bubbles!  I [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/17/buyer-beware Thu, 17 Jan 2013 16:55:08 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/17/buyer-beware fantastic tool to use in connecting with family, friends, colleagues and clients. What it is not: a place to solve your parenting woes.

I am sorry to burst bubbles!  I know I am not a lone voice in this. I know there are a few dissenting views. I am totally okay with that.

When a person asks for help online, opinions are given freely. Parenting is not a democracy outside of you and your partner. Be careful, what you ask for.

The wisdom is readily shared by friends, other mothers and fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, nieces, nephews, the old lady on the bus, the taxi driver... ALL have their own thoughts, and opinions on what you should do, shouldn't do. You will hear plenty of stories of what they did, or tried, with their own children.

Respectfully, they are experts on their own children. Respectfully, your parenting is none of anyone's business- unless you invite them in... and You are inviting the entire forum into your home and giving everyone a vote. Is that really what you feel is right for you? if you do, great... keep at it. If not, stop. Other people's opinions have a way of undermining self confidence and determination in one's life.

You are your children's parent.

Be aware, there is a great deal of wisdom in the experience of others. Yet, it might not be the answer for your family.

There are professionals who are experienced, educated, and hopefully non-judgemental, help you filter the information. It is what I do. I have had years of education, experience, continuing education, and more experience... mostly, I maintain professional boundaries and truly care about your family. I am not interested in having the most rigid answer. I want to help you find the right answer for you.

When you are looking for "the" answer in a social network forum, filter and sift.

Be aware that opinion is what someone thinks you should do.
Advice is what someone thinks might help you to be the answer...

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/17/buyer-beware#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/16/what-type-of-play-helps-baby-learn Wed, 16 Jan 2013 17:53:18 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/16/what-type-of-play-helps-baby-learn
And moms-pay attention! Research has shown that active play with kids, the kind most typical of dads, affords kids great advantages in terms of their social competence, emotional development, as well as verbal reasoning and problem solving.  So let their dads play away and don’t try to get them to play like you. They have their own style and it is just as important as more toned down play.

Let your baby explore the world on their own. Using their own senses and being the masters of their fun is important as well. If they are content and “doing their own thing” you are not being neglectful. Let them keep growing that ability to entertain themselves.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/16/what-type-of-play-helps-baby-learn#comments 0 Emily DeJu- Baby Sleep Expert Emily DeJu- Baby Sleep Expert “He pulled a jailbreak!”

Those were my friend’s words one morning, when I met her for coffee. She looked frazzled and a little panicky; turns out her 18 month old toddler had climbed out of the crib the night before, and had nearly scared his poor parents to death.

Not that her experience was anything [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/14/how-to-handle-your-toddler-climbing-out-of-the-crib Mon, 14 Jan 2013 16:48:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2013/01/14/how-to-handle-your-toddler-climbing-out-of-the-crib “He pulled a jailbreak!”

Those were my friend’s words one morning, when I met her for coffee. She looked frazzled and a little panicky; turns out her 18 month old toddler had climbed out of the crib the night before, and had nearly scared his poor parents to death.

Not that her experience was anything unusual, of course; plenty of parents have experienced those disconcerting “jailbreaks”! Our little ones somehow channel their inner monkeys and figure out how to climb (or maybe even vault!) right out of the crib.

But how do you handle this? What are you supposed to do when you find your toddler (or even worse, your baby) on the wrong side of the crib bars? In this article, we’ll examine your options to prevent or eliminate those middle-of-the-night jailbreaks.

Is It Dangerous For Your Baby or Toddler To Climb Out of the Crib?
First, though, a reminder: if your baby or toddler has figured out how escape the crib, don’t ignore it. This isn’t a phase you should wait out. If your baby or toddler is regularly climbing out of the crib, it can sometimes be dangerous. Not always, of course, but sometimes. A child can be injured by falling from the crib (especially if your baby or toddler’s room isn’t carpeted). What’s more, a child who’s loose in his bedroom, in the middle of the night, is at risk (especially if your house isn’t toddler-proofed).
Let’s review a few options to help with your crib climbing toddler.

Get a Sleep Sack
This is a good option for those of you who have babies who are trying to escape the crib. Granted, this isn’t common; most children don’t start attempting to climb from their cribs until some time after their first birthdays.
However, babies as young as 8 and 9 months have been known to fling themselves from their cribs. This is especially true for babies who hit their mobility milestones (like crawling, standing, and walking) early.
Some kids are just natural-born climbers!
If this is the case in your home, consider a sleep sack for your baby. Sleep sacks enclose a baby’s legs and feet, leaving enough room for the baby to move comfortably, but not enough for the baby to actually climb. Sometimes, a small restriction like that is enough to discourage your baby from doing any middle-of-the-night climbing.

DON’T Get a Crib Tent
I realize it’s odd to include a “don’t” in our list of options, but this warning bears repeating. In the past, specialty products called “crib tents” were marketed as solutions for keeping active toddlers in their cribs. Made of mesh, the tents fit right over the top of the crib and zipped shut, making it impossible for toddlers to climb out the top.
Problem was, these crib tents weren’t safe at all. They posed major entrapment and strangulation risks for children. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) launched an investigation into the safety of crib tents in 2008. They (along with 5 major retailers) finally issued a massive recall Spring 2012.
Bottom line: crib tents aren’t safe, and they aren’t a solution for your baby or toddler climbing from the crib.

Lower the Mattress
This one might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how easy it is to miss the obvious when you’re utterly sleep-deprived! (Then again, maybe you wouldn’t be surprised — if you’re a Binah Baby reader, chances are you’re a little sleep-deprived yourself!)
If you haven’t already, try lowering your baby’s crib mattress to its lowest possible point. This will make it harder for your baby or toddler to get enough leverage to hoist herself over the crib rails.

Switch From a Crib to a Bed
So, crib tents are out. And sleep sacks might work for babies, but they might not for toddlers (especially older toddlers). They do make toddler sleep sacks, but it’s debatable as to whether it will work (or work for long anyway). What’s left, then?

The most effective way to keep your toddler from climbing out of the crib is simply to remove the crib altogether, and to transition your toddler into a bed. It can be any kind of bed, really — a regular-sized twin bed works (as long as you add the appropriate safety rails), and so does a toddler bed. A mattress on the floor will even work! In fact, that’s what I’ve always preferred; having a mattress right on the floor minimized falls and made it easier for my boys to get into and out of their beds when they were younger.

Is My Toddler Ready for a Bed?
If your toddler is 2 years or older, then definitely make the switch from crib to bed. By 2, most toddlers are starting to outgrow their crib anyway; by 2 1/2, it’s likely they’re downright cramped. In fact, this may be why your toddler trying to escape — because sleeping in the crib isn’t comfortable anymore!
If your toddler is between 18 months and 2 years, consider making the switch. 18 months is early, but it’s still within the window of time (18 – 30 months) that’s considered reasonable for transitioning from a crib to a toddler bed. 18 months will work for some babies, but not for others.

If your toddler is younger than 18 months, things get tricky. Try the sleep sack method first, as well as lowering the crib mattress. If that proves fruitless, consider making the switch to a bed.

In this article, we’re not going to tackle the ins-and-outs of how to help your toddler make that transition. We’re planning a separate article on that topic, actually, so stay tuned!

Note:
“We hear from parents all the time who switch to a bed abruptly after a toddler climbs out once from their crib. If a toddler is under the age of two, we really try to keep them in the crib, if we can (our recommendation is not until 2 1/2 to 3, if possible). Just because he climbed out once doesn’t mean he will do it again. For some, it frightens them and they don’t try again. Unfortunately, some toddlers lack the impulse control to stay in a bed with imaginary boundaries (even if they conceptually understand they aren’t supposed to get out), so going to a toddler or twin bed too soon can create a ‘jack in the box’ with your toddler getting out of bed umpteen times a night!”

Is Toddler Crib Climbing an Isolated Problem, or Is It Part of Something Bigger?

Finally, something to think about before we wrap up: are your toddler’s crib escapades an isolated incident, or are they part of a larger problem?
If your toddler has always been a decent sleeper, and the crib escaping is something new, then you can focus on finding ways to put an end to his crib climbing. But if your toddler has never slept well, and the crib escaping is just one piece in a larger puzzle of terrible sleep habits, you may need to think bigger. Stop your child from escaping the crib, yes, but focus on improving your toddler’s sleep habits overall.



]]> Binah Baby Binah Baby John Lennon sang that "life happens when you are busy making other plans".

I have spent the last year and a half, transitioning my family. My eldest has gone on his way to make a life for himself. My youngest started high school. Our "adopted" daughter and her husband (also a son of our home!) have had a son... I have become "Oma". [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2012/08/30/transitions Thu, 30 Aug 2012 21:39:53 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2012/08/30/transitions John Lennon sang that "life happens when you are busy making other plans".

I have spent the last year and a half, transitioning my family. My eldest has gone on his way to make a life for himself. My youngest started high school. Our "adopted" daughter and her husband (also a son of our home!) have had a son... I have become "Oma". My family is changing, growing. It has become smaller by one, as we lost my dear husband, my children's father, my best friend.

I have been using the same tools for over 20 years. The "tools" fit me like a glove. and they have given me the capacity and wisdom to cope with the changes that life has brought.

No day is perfect, but it is sometimes wonderful. Seeing my son go on his way with hope and joy was exhilarating. I was leting go. And it was good. I have seen my youngest make friends for life, has been so fulfilling. Hearing "Oma" was just music to my ears. Yet...

I can tell you that the loss of my husband was horrible. Alan gave me the space to grow, the confidence to teach, the encouragement to reach higher. I will miss him, his smile and his bear hugs. He helped me build Binah Baby. He wanted me to work, to help more people.

I used the transition tools to help me through the changes.

And now, I am getting ready to bring more to Binah Baby. I will bring richer, greater transitonal assistance, education and tips, for you.

I have been taking the time I need to bring you the best of me. I am planning to travel to India, and more... Now, I am in the process of a new begining, growing and becoming.

Change may be daunting, but we can achieve great things. Baby steps...


]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2012/08/30/transitions#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
But after the excitement wears off and friends and family leave, reality quickly sets in.  Focus turns to the task at hand, and while [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2012/06/19/does-your-baby-need-a-routine Tue, 19 Jun 2012 11:23:45 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2012/06/19/does-your-baby-need-a-routine
Bringing a brand new baby home from the hospital has to be one of the most exciting experiences a mother can have. There are many visitors, many welcoming gifts, and of course lots of advice. 

But after the excitement wears off and friends and family leave, reality quickly sets in.  Focus turns to the task at hand, and while there is nothing sweeter than rocking a sleeping baby, keep in mind that babies don't always sleep when we expect them to.  There are, however, measures we can take to help establish a routine for the new addition. 

In the first few days, newborns can sleep from 16 to 20 hours a day. The gender of the baby, or whether he is breast or bottlefed makes no difference. It is very important in the early days to feed your baby frequently. As some newborns don't have the energy to wake and ask for food, I recommend that breastfed babies should go no longer than three hours in the day and five hours at night without a feed. This benefits your breast milk supply as much as the baby's needs. Formula-fed babies can be given their bottle every four hours during the day and may be left for six hours between night feeds.

By week two it is important to be developing some sort of sleeping and feeding routine. For years health professionals have been debating the pros and cons of a routine, but the one factor they always agree on is that babies feel safe and secure when they know when and what things are going to happen.

The reason I recommend establishing a pattern by two weeks is to allow you enough time to establish your baby's routine before things can start to go wrong.

The two most important rules when it comes to babies and sleep are:

* 1. Always put your baby down for a sleep or nap in the place you intend him to wake up; and

* 2. Try to teach your baby the skill of self-settling as early as possible. This means going to sleep without aids, such as rocking, patting, feeding or even the use of a dummy.

My experience indicates that babies don't start to surface between sleep cycles (the process of drifting between light and deep sleep) until they reach about eight weeks. Newborn babies can be aided to sleep and they will still sleep for long periods, however at about eight weeks, daytime sleeps change.

If you have aided your baby to sleep, you will notice that he will only catnap during the day. At about five to six months your baby will also begin to surface between night sleep cycles.

An adult changes sleep cycles about every 90 minutes, however in babies it can be as little as every 20 minutes. Babies cannot be expected to resettle until they have learned to self-settle in the first place.

Usually, a baby of six months will show the first signs of a self-settling problem by waking at about 5:00am. Then he will begin to wake at 11:00pm, and by the time your baby is one year old he will be waking at 9:00pm, 11:00pm, 1:00am, 3:00am and 5:00am! The sooner you solve the waking problem the better. Go to the top

Prevention is the best way to avoid these problems

If your baby is younger than eight weeks old, establishing a good, proven routine will prevent these issues. If you have an older baby with a sleep problem, the Save our Sleep" website contains different articles for varying ages. For babies younger than eight months there are different versions of passive settling.

For those older than eight months, I do not recommend controlled crying, as walking in and out of the room will only tease your baby. It will make him emotional and he will continue to sob after falling asleep.

Rather than this 'cry yourself to sleep' method, I recommend the 'laying down approach'. Again, there are different approaches for different ages.

Some common problems which occur in the first year can be eased with a feeding and sleeping routine. These include:

* Colic
* Catnapping
* Night waking
* Pacifier or wrap dependency
* Early waking
* Adjusting to daylight saving
* Car seat tantrums

Tips to create a good sleeper

* Have a consistent routine
* Always put your baby to sleep where he will wake up
* Never aid your baby into slumber
* Make sure your baby is not too warm or too cold


]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2012/06/19/does-your-baby-need-a-routine#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/08/07/parenting-issues-playing-favorites Sun, 07 Aug 2011 09:27:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/08/07/parenting-issues-playing-favorites
When parents are surveyed on the subject of favoritism, nearly all respondents say that despite their best efforts to the contrary, they have favored one child over another at least occasionally. They also typically admit that they know favoritism is hurtful to children and that they try to avoid it as much as possible. Some parents, however, remain blissfully unaware of the possibility that they sometimes act in ways that reveal a bias toward or against one of their children, even though it may be blatantly obvious to others. “I see the frustration and behavior problems in our oldest child resulting from the favoritism their father shows our youngest child,” said one parent in response to a recent survey on the topic. “It is a very serious problem in our family.”

Indeed, it is a serious problem in any family where it is an entrenched pattern, and it affects everyone. Unfavored children have consistently been shown to exhibit high levels of depression and aggressive behaviors, and a reduced sense of self-worth and social responsibility. But favored children are usually quite as well aware of parents’ preferences as less favored children, and they are not immune to the harmful effects.

A painstaking examination of data from three separate North American studies addressed this point by looking at the effects of favoritism on multiple children in the family and comparing results across, as well as within, a total of 5,488 families. Published in the September 2004, issue of the journal Child Development, the review found that, on average, parental favoritism had negative effects on all children—not just unfavored siblings. These effects were categorized primarily as “externalizing” behaviors, which refers to emotional-behavioral problems that show themselves in the form of antisocial and aggressive conduct, but effects in cognitive ability (specifically related to verbal reasoning) were also apparent.

This news should not surprise us. Common sense alone should suggest that favored children might be insecure about their own “privileged” status, since they would easily be able to observe the unjust and unpredictable nature of the parent’s treatment of other children. Researchers also suggest the privileged child may even feel empathy, or even guilt, for the “underprivileged” sibling’s experiences; or feel the loss of what might otherwise have been a close sibling relationship. There is a solid basis for the latter suggestion: It is well known among child development researchers that preferential treatment by parents seriously undermines the relationship between siblings, a relationship that otherwise has the potential to provide tremendous benefits throughout their lives. (See “My Brother’s Keeper: Ending Sibling Rivalry.”)

One point is worth emphasizing at this stage, however. Just because parents may treat children differently does not mean their actions are necessarily “preferential.” Preferential treatment is that which leaves a child feeling less loved, or less favored than another, and even very young children are quick to notice this type of injustice. On the other hand, it may be impossible—as well as impractical—for parents to treat their children exactly the same (with perfect equality) because of differences in age and other individual needs. Differential treatment in these situations does not necessarily lead to favoritism, but there are certain factors parents can and should be on guard against.

For instance, youngest children are favored more often than older or middle children, a fact that researchers attribute to earlier-developed social skills. Theoretically, youngest children become more sensitive to social nuances as they work to establish an identity that is unique from the siblings who have come before. As a result, they may seem “easier” to love; less challenging to parents. On the other hand, some research suggests that first-borns have other distinct advantages which could potentially predispose them to favoritism instead. Not so for middle children, however. Research is consistent in pegging a child in this birth position as the least likely to advance over siblings in parents’ favor. Unless, that is, she happens to be the only girl among boy siblings. Parents tend to show more warmth toward less aggressive children, and in most families with mixed-gender children, these most often tend to be girls. Children with serious health problems or disabilities may also be predisposed to favoritism, since they require more attention from parents. And in step-families, biological children may be favored over step-children, although the reverse occurs as well.

Fortunately, children are quite capable of understanding that older, younger, step- or disabled siblings may have different needs than they do, particularly when parents take the time to explain why this is true, to assure them that it doesn’t reflect a difference in how much they are loved, or even to involve them in age-appropriate caretaking activities. This may be particularly important after the birth of a new child, when older children may feel “displaced” in the parents’ affections. When the needs of each child are met—as different as those needs may be—children typically will not perceive a parent’s differing treatment as evidence of favoritism, and it seems to be the perception of favoritism that is most instrumental in creating conflict among siblings.

In families where treatment of all children is fairly negative, one child may be indirectly favored, not because of actual parental preference, but simply by virtue of the fact that he or she isn’t the most frequent target of blame. Subtle “coalitions” may even form between the favored child and one or both parents, with the result that the less favored child is scapegoated and bullied by the whole family, particularly in those families with multiple relational problems. Alternatively, the scapegoated child may respond with resentment and aggression toward the “preferred” sibling.

Although there are far too many families who have experienced this extreme and disturbing level of preferential treatment, most parents do understand that all of their children crave their love and attention and they try hard to satisfy this universal hunger equitably. But doing so requires that parents become keenly aware of each child’s needs and that they carefully consider how to address them. Otherwise it becomes all too easy to misjudge the gap between the levels of need that may exist between children, inadvertently creating a sense of favoritism.

For example, a father who has no difficulty hugging a preschool daughter may fail to notice that his adolescent son also craves physical signs of support, encouragement and even physical affection from him. Other families may make the mistake of dividing their effort and attention along gender lines. Certainly, parents will spend some time mentoring a child of the same sex, but it should not be assumed that a child of the opposite sex doesn’t need just as much of our time. Sons benefit greatly from time spent with mothers, and daughters benefit just as much from time spent with fathers. (See "Like Father, Like . . . Daughter?".)

Unfortunately, children may still perceive favoritism where parents are sure they have been even-handed. While in some cases it may be the child’s perception that needs to be worked with and changed, it is important for parents to entertain the idea that it may be their own perception that is biased. “Parents who have genuinely tried to avoid favoritism are always distressed when their children believe that they have favorites,” says Peter Goldenthal, in Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring, and Compassionate. Director of Child and Family Therapy at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, Goldenthal recommends that parents try not to be defensive if this occurs. “Instead of leaping to defend yourself against what may seem like an attack on your parental love,” he advises, “be curious. Try to find out what makes your child believe that you care more about his sister, would rather spend time with her, or appreciate her talents more.” This approach may help us uncover biases we didn’t even know we had—and may allow us to respond to our children’s needs more effectively.

But what if a parent has more in common with one child in particular? Suppose the two share the same interests, and they just naturally gravitate toward one another? Is it really reasonable to expect a parent not to have a favorite child? Can parents really succeed at loving children equally?

Turning these questions around, we could ask: Isn’t it possible for us to change our feelings about people? Can’t we learn to love people with whom we have little in common? Isn’t it worthwhile to learn to enjoy new activities simply to connect with someone we love?

These questions are important for parents to ask themselves, because regardless of whether other physical needs of children may differ, their need for love and support from parents does not. Each of our children has an equal need for us to show them we are interested in supporting their strengths and encouraging their activities, and our ability to do this has little if anything to do with how much like us they are. As one of Goldenthal’s clients eventually realized, “going to a museum with his son did not require that he be especially interested in art, only that he be especially interested in his son.”

Being interested in their children equally requires parents to appreciate the particular blend of talents, abilities and personality strengths that makes each child unique. Unfortunately, parents often sabotage their own success by making comparisons among their children. Labeling one child “the creative one” and another “the math genius” can stimulate each child to feel jealous of the other’s talent. “All comparisons, even positive ones, have two problems,” writes Goldenthal. “They pigeonhole children, limiting their freedom to discover for themselves who they are, what attracts their interest, and in what areas they have the potential to excel. They feed competition among siblings. We can recognize our children’s unique capacities if we acknowledge who they are and what they can do without any sort of comparison.” Doing so benefits both parents and children. In addition to helping parents appreciate their children as individuals, honest and realistic praise that avoids comparison allows children to focus on the pleasure of mastering new skills and of contributing to the welfare of others. Parents who attune appropriately to the needs of all their children without partiality help them attune to the needs of siblings, peers and society at large in the same way. Such parents also help their children develop a positive sense of their potential. (See “Helping Children Develop a Positive Sense of Self.”)

In contrast, parents who consistently favor one child over another risk leaving the unfavored child feeling unloved, unwanted and unworthy of affection. Most parents would never wish to be cruel to a child—but favoritism can hurt very cruelly—and it is all too easy for parents to overlook.

For this reason it is important for parents to take inventory of their behaviors toward each of their children. Do we frequently find ourselves responding negatively toward a particular child; regularly using sarcasm or feeling irritated with him or her? Do we label one child as “the difficult one,” or perhaps find it less natural to show affection to one child in comparison to others? Do we notice ourselves overreacting toward any of our children more consistently than others? If these questions are difficult to answer with any certainty, it may be helpful to ask a close friend or relative whether they have noticed differences in the way we treat our children.

If we do suspect we have been less than equitable with our love and affection, the good news is that it is well within our power to change our attitude and the situation. One strategy might be to write down positive and negative traits of all our children. If we are unable to come up with an equal number of positive traits for each, it may be helpful to ask teachers, friends or relatives what they admire about the less favored child. It is also important to be honest about the shortcomings in the favored child, who is probably not any more perfect than the less favored child or children.

As we take a more balanced view of our children, also balancing the time we spend with each, it will eventually become natural for us to distribute our love and affection equally. The result will be well worth the effort. When each child is loved for the unique person he or she is, the stage is set for close sibling relationships and healthy family relationships in general. There is no greater gift parents can give to their children or to themselves.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/08/07/parenting-issues-playing-favorites#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby On Becoming Babywise

What is the Babywise method?

The Babywise method indicates you should feed on schedule every 3-4 hours (depending on age) rather than on demand from the first day of your baby’s birth. It is also routine-based that indicates that you should eat-play-sleep, in that order, every time. [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/08/02/not-so-babywise Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:38:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/08/02/not-so-babywise On Becoming Babywise

What is the Babywise method?

The Babywise method indicates you should feed on schedule every 3-4 hours (depending on age) rather than on demand from the first day of your baby’s birth. It is also routine-based that indicates that you should eat-play-sleep, in that order, every time. This means that your baby wakes up, you feed him, your baby plays, then goes to sleep and repeat this all day long. The book outlines how long between feedings at various ages and indicates your baby should sleep through the night from an early age (around 8 to 12 weeks, for the most part).

The idea behind the eat-play-sleep routine is that your baby will know what to expect every day, providing predictability and security to both of you, will take a full feeding since he is not too sleepy falling asleep while eating, and will not associate feeding with sleeping (a common reason for baby sleep problems), and have a much better/happier awake period being both full and rested.

Babywise Criticism

So, what’s the problem? Because of how strict the Babywise routine can appear to be, the AAP has indicated that babies are at higher risk to be diagnosed “failure to thrive” and become dehydrated. The feeding schedule is considered stringent with feedings every 3 hours from birth (4 hours once your baby is older). Die hard Babywise enthusiasts will delay feeding their baby until the “right” time rather than on demand even if baby is hungry. Attachment parenting advocates would say this is disrespectful of the baby by not feeding on cue. After all, it’s not like your baby can go to the pantry to eat like you can when you’re hungry.

In addition, sleep-wise, the Babywise Method is considered even more harsh than Ferber, in some ways, because Babywise advocates letting your baby cry in 20-minute intervals, even as a newborn (Ferber says to wait until 4 to 6 months). In order to get to an eat-play-sleep routine AND have feedings every 3-4 hours, depending on age, your baby needs to be napping in fairly long intervals (1-2 hours each time or so). Of course, we know that not all babies nap for long periods (some babies won’t nap at all) and short naps are common up through 6 months old. If your baby wakes up early from a nap, Babywise indicates you should allow your baby to cry to go back to sleep, even at a young age. Considering some people are thoroughly against cry it out methods to begin with, allowing your newborn to cry for 20 minutes is a lot to ask a new mom, in many cases, even if that same parent may decide to do cry it out when their baby is older.

Why Babywise may not be right for your baby

In some ways I think Babywise gets a bad rap in that it states VERY clearly that if your baby is hungry sooner than the “scheduled” time, then you should feed him. As with anything else, I think some people are more prone to follow books to the letter than others. Or, maybe they just didn’t read that page (or pages). Or, maybe they didn’t read the book at all and heard about the method from a friend. With any book, including mine(!), you still need to apply what YOU know about YOUR baby and make modifications. No one knows your situation or your baby better than you do. It is possible to do eat-play-sleep but not be so stringent that you HAVE to feed your baby as soon as she wakes up, for example. As long as you use the correct amount of awake time, it’s fine to feed her 15 minutes after she wakes, if she’s not hungry because she doesn’t take a two hour nap.

Some babies, simply can NOT wait 3 hours between feedings until they're months old (not weeks) and they actually never got to 4 hours between milk feedings. I feel that it’s a healthier way to learn to eat when you’re hungry and not let yourself get TOO hungry that you overeat. But, that’s just my personal philosophy. Even now at 5 and 3, they eat something roughly every 2 1/2 hours due to how active they are and I am okay with that (after all “they” say to eat more frequent smaller meals, right? I do the same).

My boys also did NOT take two hour naps, either, and sticking to awake times that were outside my eldest’s comfort zone was out of the question. Add in that babies get older and can stay up longer between sleep, but not necessarily wait longer to eat, and it can be difficult to make Babywise work for every baby. There are a variety of reasons that your baby may or may not “fit” in with the Babywise Method. It doesn’t mean you can’t borrow from Babywise and make your own routine, though, if you do yearn for predictability or feel your baby would benefit from it! Maybe you do eat-play-sleep-read-eat-play-sleep-read… Maybe you do eat-play-sleep-walk-eat… there are many ways you can make a routine without it being a particular book’s routine. Make it work for you and your baby.

As for sleep, I wasn’t willing to let my newborns cry for more than a few minutes, let alone 20 minutes. Does that mean that you can’t use Babywise? No. Simply work on the routine and helping your baby learn to sleep in the gentlest way possible. As your baby gets older, her brain will mature, sleep will organize, and she will be able to learn how to self-soothe. Even if Babywise isn’t exactly right for you, it doesn’t mean you can’t find something that is.

If you got Babywise to work for you, that’s great! For others, their baby will be hungry, possibly nap even worse due to being hungry, nursing mothers may have low milk supply going too long between feedings, or you may just find it impossible to get your baby to nap long enough to get to the next “eat” time. If you can’t get it to work, don’t feel like you’ve failed at all. Just find your baby’s own routine and plan to use books as guides, and not as the end all, be all.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/08/02/not-so-babywise#comments 2 Binah Baby Binah Baby What's the debate about?

When Guditta Tornetta and I met, last year, we had a conversation about this. I agreed with her- circumcission is not necessary for all male babies. I do not believe that [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/06/01/circumcision-whats-the-debate Wed, 01 Jun 2011 04:22:13 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/06/01/circumcision-whats-the-debate What's the debate about?

When Guditta Tornetta and I met, last year, we had a conversation about this. I agreed with her- circumcission is not necessary for all male babies. I do not believe that any doctors should be performing them- UNLESS:

1. They are Mohels
2. They are perfoming this on Jewish boys at eight days old, or another Jewish boy aho had to delay due to helath restrictions.

I believe that the only reason a boy should undergo a Brit Milah- is for Religious reasons and observance.

Other's, whose religious tennets do not require this procedure, should not be doing it.

As the mother of sons, I must emphatically say, I would not have allowed anyone to touchmy son with anything sharper than a cotton ball if I didn't have a darned good reason to do so. And when my religious guide- the Torah- said that to have my sons counted as part of the Jewish People, I had to make sure that they were circumcised on the eighth day after birth- I did so.

So the debate is mute. This is about religious persecuttion. You don't like what my people have been doing for thousands of years? Fine. Don't join in. Leave your babies uncircumcised. I will continue to help Jewish parents with the Brit Milah- They are sons of the Covenant It is their connection with their people for thousands of years.



]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/06/01/circumcision-whats-the-debate#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/29/stimulating-baby-too-much-of-a-good-thing Sun, 29 May 2011 04:35:52 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/29/stimulating-baby-too-much-of-a-good-thing
When you think about the world from the perspective of your baby, everything is new and therefore, interesting. From the play of light on the wall, to the sights on the street to just sitting in the kitchen. Learning and growth happens as a natural part of existing in your environment. So it is not necessary for you to work so hard at playing and talking the entire time your baby is awake. Just coexisting quietly is important too.

Of course, it is important to carve out a couple blocks of time each day where you can be totally tuned in to your baby and take part in playing with him in a focused way. Listening to music, exploring toys together, clapping hands and waving bye bye, being tickled and kissed. You showing him the world and the world of relationships. Remember that babies can easily become overstimulated, so you want to be watchful not to introduce too many new things to him at once, and to tone down the interaction if he appears to look or pull away, cry or fuss. These are all signs that he may be overstimulated.

Your most important job is teaching your baby how to be in a relationship, the give and take, the ebb and flow, teaching him he is adored. All the other learning happens very naturally just from being in the world.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/29/stimulating-baby-too-much-of-a-good-thing#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/23/step-3-be-authentic Mon, 23 May 2011 21:41:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/23/step-3-be-authentic
Being auhentic is being true, knowing what motivates you and what makes you avoid. When people know the parameters, you can be assured that they appreciate it and they come closer knowing that you are able to set boundaries and observe other peoples boundaries- based on understanding your comfort levels and honestly representing your limitations.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/23/step-3-be-authentic#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/22/speaking-of-wants-authoritative-parenting Sun, 22 May 2011 15:24:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/22/speaking-of-wants-authoritative-parenting
But what is authoritative parenting? How does it work? What sets this method apart from other methods? Is this parenting model the right one for our family? Here is what you need to know about authoritative parenting, including the potential benefits and drawbacks.
Definition of Authoritative Parenting

In a nutshell, authoritative parenting is a strategy that seeks to set reasonable rules and guidelines that are in the best interests of the child. The rules provide structure while still allowing room for the child to explore, test, and begin the process of learning what constitutes acceptable behavior. Authoritative parenting is also a model that allows parents to express love and affection with no worries that loving expression will undermine their control of the home.

Instead of a rigid environment where there is no margin for deviation from the house rules, authoritative parenting makes it clear the parents are in charge of the household and will set limits. At the same time, this methodology also encourages a degree of flexibility in the child rearing process. This flexibility makes it possible for parents to assess a given situation and take action that is appropriate rather than falling back on disciplinary measures that may or may not help the child to mature.

How Does Authoritative Parenting Work?

Unlike an authoritarian approach to child rearing, authoritative parenting seeks to create a home environment where there is enough structure for the children to feel secure, but not so much structure that they become afraid to try anything new or different. The house rules are designed to keep the child safe and also provide a basis for beginning to relate to the world in general. When these broad rules are breached (and every child will try to get around any and all of the rules at some point), the emphasis is on expressing displeasure with the action in a constructive manner.

Parents who are using an authoritative model will see correcting the child as an opportunity rather than a challenge or a duty. Instead of simply administering a punishment and assuming the child got the message, the parents will take steps to help the child grasp why the action was not acceptable and also assist the child in identifying alternative actions that would have been acceptable. Some type of punitive action may still be employed, but the child will at least understand the reason behind the punishment.

Over time, authoritative parenting encourages creative thinking rather than following rules in order to avoid being punished. Children learn what type of behavior is appropriate in a particular setting, and begin to use those skills as they develop friendships with other children, begin attending school, and take those first tentative steps toward adolescence and later adulthood.

When parents are effectively making use of the basic principles of this parenting style, they can look forward to the following results for the children:

Loving respect for parents, siblings, and other people in their social circle
The confidence to try new things, secure in the knowledge of what they already have mastered
The desire to learn new things and find ways to implement this new knowledge into their lives
Mental and emotional balance
Freedom to express and develop character traits that are sometimes considered gender specific (i.e. girls interested in aggressive play and boys who are sensitive to the needs of others)

What sets this method apart from other methods?

The basic style of authoritative parenting is somewhat unique in comparison to other child rearing techniques. In some cases, this method draws on the most attractive aspects of other approaches. At other times, authoritative parenting eliminates elements that are based on fear or some other negative factor.

Unlike an authoritarian approach, choosing to raise children using authoritative methods means realizing that not everything can be defined in terms of absolutes; there must be some degree of vision and flexibility in order to rear happy and productive children. This environment encourages children to develop skills that will help them evaluate situations and choose a responsible response later in life.

Unlike the permissive approach, authoritative parenting provides a foundation upon which the children can build. While the rules may be broad, they give home life a degree of definition and stability. The nice thing is that having this stability does not mean children don’t have room to ask questions, wonder about things, or test their limits. All those tools will be needed once they are adults and should be honed while they are still under the care of their parents

At its best, authoritative parenting sets perimeters on acceptable actions and behavior while still encouraging children to develop their talents and personalities.

What are the Pros and Cons of Authoritative Parenting?

As with any child rearing approach, authoritative parenting does have negative as well as positive aspects.

In terms of negative aspects, this approach:

Puts an additional responsibility on the parents. Since the house rules are somewhat broad and don’t cover every conceivable situation, parents sometimes find themselves having to develop a completely new response to something the child says or does.
Can be difficult to maintain when faced with a particularly willful child. A high degree of patience must be cultivated if the parents are to maintain an authoritative atmosphere in the home.
Requires periodic review and refinement in order to continue benefiting the children as they grow and their needs change. House rules that make are relevant at age six may be hindrances by age eight. Parents must be alert to the need to modify and amend the rules when necessary, rather than clinging to the same rules year after year.

Authoritative parent also has a number of positive aspects:

Children can know what is expected of them and also know why those expectations are in place.
Children feel free to ask questions and voice opinions, even if they do not agree with the thoughts of the parents.
Children incrementally take on responsibilities that are age appropriate and are within the scope of their abilities.
Children choose to obey parents more out of respect and less out of fear of punishment.

Is this parenting model the right one for our family?

In the final analysis, only the parents can determine if authoritative parenting is the right approach for their home. It is important to keep in mind that this model will require dedication and in some cases an adjustment of attitudes and ideas on the part of the parents in order to work.

Authoritative parenting is the right approach if you have a strong desire to allow your children room to grow emotionally and mentally as well as physically. This model is a great choice if you want to encourage creativity and the development of effective social skills. Finally, this type of parenting will be the right choice if your ultimate goal is to raise children with all the skills they need to be successful in life.
Conclusion

For couples who are expecting or are new parents, taking the time to investigate authoritative parenting is an excellent idea. A number of resources are available online, as well as several excellent books on this approach to child rearing. As you delve deeper into the applications of authoritative parenting within the family circle, you may discover that this approach is exactly what you’ve been looking for.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/22/speaking-of-wants-authoritative-parenting#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby Ask for what you want, not what you think you’ll get.

Too many women base their requests on what they believe the other person will be willing to do. Your requests should be based on what you want—that’s why they are called requests. Do not dummy down your request because you don’t think the other [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/19/step-2-are-you-minimizing-your-wants Thu, 19 May 2011 11:30:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/19/step-2-are-you-minimizing-your-wants Ask for what you want, not what you think you’ll get.

Too many women base their requests on what they believe the other person will be willing to do. Your requests should be based on what you want—that’s why they are called requests. Do not dummy down your request because you don’t think the other person will want to fulfill it. Ask for what you truly want and then celebrate the yeses you get and learn to accept the nos. If the no's far outweigh the yeses, decide how you want to handle that imbalance and then step in and speak to it.

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/19/step-2-are-you-minimizing-your-wants#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby Listen to your gut.

Too many women ignore their instincts. We need to learn how to tune into that voice that tells us something is off. If something feels off, it usually is. Check it out, don’t tune it out. In my experience, this voice is usually right on—even when others swear it’s not. (Note: the [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/18/step-1-to-building-stronger-bonds-listen Wed, 18 May 2011 20:01:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/18/step-1-to-building-stronger-bonds-listen Listen to your gut.

Too many women ignore their instincts. We need to learn how to tune into that voice that tells us something is off. If something feels off, it usually is. Check it out, don’t tune it out. In my experience, this voice is usually right on—even when others swear it’s not. (Note: the only caveat to this is if you tend to be suspicious, jealous or untrusting to begin with. If this is the case, then you need to get more data and ask yourself if your jealousy is at work here or are the facts supporting your suspicions).

]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/18/step-1-to-building-stronger-bonds-listen#comments 0 Dr. Shoshana Dr. Shoshana
Set aside 20 minutes that is just for you. Let others know not to disturb you.

• Choose a quiet, private place.


• Loosen or remove belts [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/17/relaxation-tips-to-reduce-killer-stress Tue, 17 May 2011 13:52:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/17/relaxation-tips-to-reduce-killer-stress
  Are you sick and tired of stress? Learning relaxation techniques to elicit the relaxation response is one of the most important things you can do for your health and your life!
  
  Set aside 20 minutes that is just for you. Let others know not to disturb you.
  
  
  • Choose a quiet, private place.
  
  
  • Loosen or remove belts and restrictive clothing. Take off your shoes.
  
  
  • Use a sitting position with your back straight and both feet flat on the floor or sit “yoga” style. It’s OK to lay down if sitting is hard for you, but notice if you have problems falling asleep and adjust accordingly.
  
  
  • Turn on your favorite music or relaxation CD, or have a friend read one of the relaxation techniques script. (you can get that from my office!)
  
  
  • You can decide to speak with Hashem, to let him hold your thoughts and wishes.
  
  
  • Interruptions happen, even with the best preparation. The phone may ring; you may hear noises you didn’t notice before. Let the phone ring, let the noise be noise and focus on your relaxation. Passively, let the disturbing or intrusive sounds or thoughts go.
  
  
  • When finishing the exercise take a deep breath and say an anchoring word or phrase to yourself like: “breathe,” “be well,” “relax,” or “OK.”
  
  
  Anchoring words or phrases are like touch stones. Over time, you will be able to elicit the relaxation response by simply recalling the anchoring word or phrase.
  
  Learning relaxation techniques may seem like learning to drive within the speed limit when you’re used to passing every car on the road. The important thing is to begin a regular practice.
  
  Protect your relaxation time. Treat it at least as important as a required meeting. Many find the early morning a good time. It’s worth getting up 20 minutes earlier if need be.
  
  Best of health,
  Doc Shoshana
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2011/05/17/relaxation-tips-to-reduce-killer-stress#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby Here is a post by another midwife and it's a real eye opener. I fall in line with her thinking on this one...
  
  "When I meet a doula, whether she has been one for a long time or just beginning, invariably, I hear the phrase, “I really want to see a home birth.” The next thing that comes out of her mouth is often, [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/07/19/doulas-and-homebirth Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:27:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/07/19/doulas-and-homebirth Here is a post by another midwife and it's a real eye opener. I fall in line with her thinking on this one...
  
  "When I meet a doula, whether she has been one for a long time or just beginning, invariably, I hear the phrase, “I really want to see a home birth.” The next thing that comes out of her mouth is often, “Can I go to a birth with you? I’ll be quiet.” Or something to that effect. Having been a doula for many years before ever attending a homebirth, I totally understand the desire. Especially when the births she sees, one after another, are the typical, energy-suck, lack of empowerment type.
  
  While some homebirth clients will hire a doula, in my experience, they are few and far between. If she brings a doula along on the birth trip, I really enjoy it. I’ve often said there’s enough work to go around for how many hands... read it here
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/07/19/doulas-and-homebirth#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  Could postpartum depression have played a role in the boys [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/07/12/postpartum-depression-in-the-news Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:54:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/07/12/postpartum-depression-in-the-news
  Could postpartum depression have played a role in the boys disappearance?
  
  Kyron's parents, Kaine Horman and Desiree Young, have revealed one of the reasons they say they fear Kyron's stepmother, Terri Horman, is hiding something -- that she changed after the birth of her baby, Kiara, 19 months ago.
  
  Read the rest here.
  
  I am not an alarmist, but there is a reason for early diagnosis and treatment. Not every woman demonstrates extreme symptoms- but they can still damage a family. So do something:
  
  Contacct a postpartum doula- she'll refer you to an expert in your area.
  In Israel, go tothe nurse at Tipat Chalav, if she is a support for you.
  Speak with your GYN.
  Call Nitza.
  
  Just do something.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/07/12/postpartum-depression-in-the-news#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  Men perceive birth differently from the way women do. They are observers, no matter how perceptive, loving, understanding. They watch the love of their lives in pain. Productive pain- sure. But it’s so very hard for them to see.
  
  I spoke with a [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/20/fathers-are-people-too Sun, 20 Jun 2010 14:12:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/20/fathers-are-people-too
  Men perceive birth differently from the way women do. They are observers, no matter how perceptive, loving, understanding. They watch the love of their lives in pain. Productive pain- sure. But it’s so very hard for them to see.
  
  I spoke with a business advisor about what I am working towards. I explained in full what the role of a labor assistant is and what the postpartum doula does. We spoke about the costs, the benefits and the risks. He decided that the next time his wife was expecting, he was going t bring a Doula into the picture! He was astounded by the work, the devotion…
  
  We spoke about the cost as well. He felt that for the unknown amount of work a doula commits herself to, the costs were not bad at all. It is well worth the cost. The physical and mental effort is great, and to relieve a husband so he can catch his breath- well most men think that’s a pretty great deal.
  
  Menashe D. (Names have been changed to preserve privacy) told me that when his wife (Elisheva) was having contractions he’d retreat to the fetal position. He couldn’t take it. Fortunately, they took a doula. She comforted Elisheva and Menashe. He said that it was well worth every agurah.
  
  Stacy and David A. made Aliyah in 2007. Soon after, they found they were expecting their first child, after years of trying. They hired a doula because they were not familiar with the language, the process in Israeli hospitals and they worried about all the horror stories they heard about giving birth in Israel. Well, here’s what he wrote:
  
  “Dear Shoshana, Thank you for helping Stacy through birth. I was so scared and worried. I kept watching for what was going on, and you were telling me that what I was seeing was normal. You supported my wife so she could make it through each contraction. I can’t get over the way you calmed me down- I was so sure the nurses were ignoring Stacy, but you warned us- they have a job to do. I can’t thank you enough for letting me get some rest. I think Stacy was glad to have all your attention! I freaked out, and knowing that you were fine, got me back on track. Anyways- you were great. Sincerely, David A.”
  
  Then there is the postpartum father… he needs support. Sometimes there are fathers who are strongly affected by the new responsibilities of fatherhood. They might have dealt with their own past concerns and new fatherhood brings those unresolved things to the forefront. I have met men who suffered from their own form of postpartum depression. In fact, new studies reveal a true incidence of fathers suffering from postpartum depression- which often is left unresolved. When this occurs, the father is often absent emotionally, physically and spiritually to his wife and family. Fathers matter. Men suffering, need support, therapy and maybe even medication to get past the crisis and recover fully. There is no shame in this. There is only need- and a doula- though not a psychological expert, can identify that a referral might be needed. Further, she can help with the bonding a father can do with the new baby. It can be a time filled with growth and wonder.
  
  Dads are special people, too. They need support. They need reassurance and sometimes they need to stay home to take care of the children. Olim have a more intense need for support. Often, they don’t have parents or relatives to support them through birth here in Israel. (To add to the mix, there may be a difficult economy... I have parents calling me and giving gifts of doula care to their children, it’s cheaper than plane tickets they can’t afford). Husbands need doulas as much as Wives do. Husbands appreciate the extra help. Just ask one- it’s one birth opinion not to be ignored.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/20/fathers-are-people-too#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/10/they-sang-their-baby-out Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:52:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/10/they-sang-their-baby-out
  I cried at this birth- the first tears of joy at birth- since my own, 12 years ago.
  
  Harness the strength, beauty and love in song- birth is beautiful. Birth is powerful. Birth is praisworthy. Fear not, the power harness in music heals and can provide a protective shield around the heart of a laboring woman.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/10/they-sang-their-baby-out#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  Continuing education is a vital component to your responsibilities towards your clients. You stay ahead of the trends, you are able to offer the most updated services and you might [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/01/professional-development-have-you-grown Tue, 01 Jun 2010 10:34:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/01/professional-development-have-you-grown
  Continuing education is a vital component to your responsibilities towards your clients. You stay ahead of the trends, you are able to offer the most updated services and you might be able to approach your clients needs with a fresh eye. There is a lot of value in the enthusiasm gleaned after you have aquired new information.
  
  Professional networking is a great way to increase your client base and referral lists, also you will meet others working towards the same goals you are. Hearing fresh approaches and dicussing ways to get through different situations, creates unity - which is priceless.
  
  Don't be afraid of competition, allow your drive to succeed in your endeavors to be contageous, create more enthusiasm for your work- and your clients great outcomes. There is much work to do and many people willing to share in the effort. Connect and grow in strength.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/06/01/professional-development-have-you-grown#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  The first and most important thing, is to understand that [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/26/govt-funding-for-doula-care Wed, 26 May 2010 11:25:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/26/govt-funding-for-doula-care
  The first and most important thing, is to understand that the gov't and kupot cholim need to be aware of the service (especially the standards of practice and care), it's benefits and it's cost savings compared to the expense. At this point, the hospitals are wary, the public see doula care as an option that is a luxury. (Except for those who actually have used doula care!) And when doulas are involved, there are those who are not interested in taking up the banner, publicizing and working toward this goal.
  
  One of the major issues for this is regulation and "licensing" - if doulas are trained and certified, there will have to be government regulation, fees for a license to practice and all the bureaucracy to go with it. This will also cause doulas to be subject to govt funding changes- being a new and "experimental" program - it's the first one that goes under the bus. Basic dental care for children is not being agreed upon, we want the govt to subsidize doula care? Both are important, both should be included in the sal briut.
  
  I know I just highlighted some of the many roadblocks to this great effort, but when embarking on a course, one really should get to know what the hurdles might be. This way we can prepare to bring the proper "gear" for the journey.
  
  I started Binah Baby to increase access to doulas for couples, and now, I am working to help you as a doula, cbe, ibclc, whatever you do in birth. This is for you and your efforts to bring about improved outcomes for couples on their way to parenthood.
  
  If anyone is interested in working alongside me in this, please contact me.
  
  Professionals, I have back pages that are just for you. They are password protected for your access only. Please contact me for the password to enter. Professional Pages
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/26/govt-funding-for-doula-care#comments 1 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/24/how-i-feel-about-my-work Mon, 24 May 2010 09:33:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/24/how-i-feel-about-my-work
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/24/how-i-feel-about-my-work#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby "Challenge is what makes life interesting, overcoming challenge is what makes life meaningful." ~ Mark Twain [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/20/a-thought-to-share Thu, 20 May 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/20/a-thought-to-share "Challenge is what makes life interesting, overcoming challenge is what makes life meaningful." ~ Mark Twain
  
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/05/20/a-thought-to-share#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  I went through 4 miscarriages. I didn't tell people about [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/03/13/of-miscarriages-and-birthdays Sat, 13 Mar 2010 23:26:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/03/13/of-miscarriages-and-birthdays
  I went through 4 miscarriages. I didn't tell people about them all, it was hard enough to just live it quietly.
  
  Staying pregnant was a problem. I was pregnant 6 times. I could have been the mother of six. But, I was blessed with two precious boys. And for this, I am grateful.
  
  We celebrate birthdays with love. I celebrate the beauty of my motherhood and his growing up.
  
  But quietly, I dream of four other birthdays I will never celebrate. I don't have daughters- were they girls? Or, would any have had my mother-in-law's big blue eyes? Would they harmonize our Shabbat tunes? Would we have danced in the living room to all the music that moves us? I will never know. When the doctor said: You're on modified bedrest from month 5- with #2- I said okay, I'll do anything to keep this baby in.
  
  Miscarriages are love lost and hopes dashed, names gone away, and futures not fulfilled.
  
  Every birth is a mother's re-birth and a future waiting to be lived.
  
  Birthdays heal me a bit, thrill me a lot and give me another day to be deeply thankful for the children that I get to live with- every day.
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/03/13/of-miscarriages-and-birthdays#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  I go on the record: "We do not take [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/03/04/when-should-you-go-to-the-doctor Thu, 04 Mar 2010 08:29:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/03/04/when-should-you-go-to-the-doctor
  I go on the record: "We do not take chances. Any unexplained abdominal pain in pregnancy must be evaluated by a medical doctor, ultrasound is the only way to see inside the woman."
  
  I am sorry that the woman is hesitant. Why are women hesitant to to rule out serious complications? Fear. I do not agree with the reliance on technological interferences in pregnancy and birth. I do agree that these tools are there for evaluationg and ruling out serious problems.
  
  This woman has unexplained abdominal pain, could it be a hernia? Maybe. Could it be a placental separation? Maybe. The only way to find out- is by ultrasound and medical use of technology. What happens then?
  
  Get there when you get there. Don't assume. But do not ignore.
  
  This is why this doula called me. She knew this. She knows. But it's good to hear someone else say it... so that's what I did. I said it. Go to a doctor if anything unusual occurs in pregnancy. Don't risk it.
  
  And this is why Antepartum Doulas are necessary. They'll go with her, too...
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/03/04/when-should-you-go-to-the-doctor#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby Follow Israel news
  
  (IsraelNN.com) The United States plans to raise passport and consular fees by up to 100 percent effective March 12 if last-minute protests do not succeed in forestalling the move. The 30-day period for registering objections has expired, and officials are reviewing the proposed new fees [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/23/us-plans-sharp-hike-in-passport-fees Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:21:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/23/us-plans-sharp-hike-in-passport-fees Follow Israel news
  
  (IsraelNN.com) The United States plans to raise passport and consular fees by up to 100 percent effective March 12 if last-minute protests do not succeed in forestalling the move. The 30-day period for registering objections has expired, and officials are reviewing the proposed new fees schedule, the American embassy in Israel told Israel National News.
  
  Extending current passports will cost $110, nearly 50 percent more than the present fee of $75, according to the Association of Americans and Canadians in Israel (AACI). The cost of a new first-time passport will rise from $100 to $135, and for a child under 16 from $85 to $100, and passport book security surcharges will double to $40. Application fees for a consular report of a birth in Israel or elsewhere outside of the United States will increase from $65 to $100.
  
  Fees for notary and authentication services will increase 100 percent to $50. Renouncing American citizenship, which now is processed without charge, soon will cost $450, according to the proposed schedule of costs.
  
  Many American immigrants to Israel have angrily protested the new proposed fee schedules in Internet and e-mail forums, but the State Department said the increases were suggested following a comprehensive cost of service study.
  
  “As demand for passports increased to an average of 15 million per year, the increase in certain fees will help cover actual operating expenses for the Department of State’s 301 consular posts abroad, 23 domestic passport agencies, and other centers that provide consular services to both U.S. and foreign citizens,” according to federal officials.They added that improvements in automated systems have decreased some fees, such as the application fee for determining returning resident status.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/23/us-plans-sharp-hike-in-passport-fees#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby Mental Health's January 2010 issue.
  
  "Some women with a [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/13/pregnant-women-with-hyperemesis-gravidarum-likely-to-suffer-depression-or-anxiety Sat, 13 Feb 2010 20:21:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/13/pregnant-women-with-hyperemesis-gravidarum-likely-to-suffer-depression-or-anxiety Mental Health's January 2010 issue.
  
  "Some women with a medical disorder during pregnancy showed considerably elevated levels of anxiety and depression. Health professionals need to be aware that these women need extra psychological support."
  
  They found this was particularly true for women with hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids.
  
  If these women don't receive adequate support during pregnancy, one can surmise that they are at a greater risk for postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. This is important for OB/GYNs to pay attention to.
  
  Have you any idea how much good an Antepartum Doula could do ?
  
  Contact me for more info...
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/13/pregnant-women-with-hyperemesis-gravidarum-likely-to-suffer-depression-or-anxiety#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  So I got a call, from a woman who's relative went to the 5 month ultrasound and it was tragic. There was no heartbeat. This woman was directed to me because I have taken over the fledgling group- H.U.G. (Holistic Understanding of Grief), and I was asked [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/09/the-hard-call Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:57:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/09/the-hard-call
  So I got a call, from a woman who's relative went to the 5 month ultrasound and it was tragic. There was no heartbeat. This woman was directed to me because I have taken over the fledgling group- H.U.G. (Holistic Understanding of Grief), and I was asked if I could attend to the relative as she went through her ordeal. Of course, I said yes.
  
  It's heartbreaking and traumatic for anyone to experience this tragic event.The thing is, there's no perfect consolation. Words fail and actions are good... but there's always going to be a hole in the heart and consciousness. I ease the trauma, but not the pain.
  
  Sometimes, my work is very difficult. Providing support is necessary - and when I get back from my trip to the states, I plan to expand HUG. I have been working so hard to bring awareness for the need in support for childbearing - this is included.
  
  I had a hard day, but I turned it around... nachamu, nachamu... console, console.
  
  May we only hear good news in the future.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/09/the-hard-call#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  Her body's way of experiencing contractions were sporadic, there was not set pattern, no set rhythm. Braxton - Hicks, probably. So she went to sleep. This was not her first birth, thank G-d, [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/01/unassisted-home-birth-it-was-an-accident Mon, 01 Feb 2010 07:49:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/01/unassisted-home-birth-it-was-an-accident
  Her body's way of experiencing contractions were sporadic, there was not set pattern, no set rhythm. Braxton - Hicks, probably. So she went to sleep. This was not her first birth, thank G-d, because the panic she could have felt would have endangered her and the baby. Suddenly, in the middle of the night, she had to run to the restroom.
  
  In the restroom she realized it was labor and now here comes... the baby! She called to her husband and he called MADA- Hatzolah (the medical emergency response). Meanwhile, back in the restroom, her body was working to get the baby out and she realized there was no turning back, no waiting. No amount of panting was getting her through without pushing.
  
  So she pushed. And there was a head. She waited and pushed a little and there was the shoulder and arm and WHOOSH! the baby. Just like that. Alone. Just like that.
  
  Well, the great news is that both mother and baby were fine, thank G-d. That was some time ago and now, she's in the end of her next pregnancy. And you know what she told me?
  
  "As surprising as it was to give birth alone in my restroom, as unexpected as that was - it was so quiet, I was alone with my baby. And I believe in birthing in the hospital, but after the last experience, I would love to have the quiet and peaceful atmosphere of that again. I almost don't want to go to the hospital. But I will go."
  
  I told her that she must really pay attention to her body's signals and keep in touch with her doula, a smart and experienced woman who is not into risk taking.
  
  But sometimes, birth happens. Just like that.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/02/01/unassisted-home-birth-it-was-an-accident#comments 1 Binah Baby Binah Baby Binah Baby is... taking the message on the road! Details coming soon. If your In LA or on the East Coast and want to meet with me, I'll be posting cities and dates, G-d Willing, soon.
  
  Do you want to help families in Israel start of in the right foot? Contact me and we'll talk about how you can do that! [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/29/what-binah-baby-is-up-to Fri, 29 Jan 2010 04:26:41 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/29/what-binah-baby-is-up-to Binah Baby is... taking the message on the road! Details coming soon. If your In LA or on the East Coast and want to meet with me, I'll be posting cities and dates, G-d Willing, soon.
  
  Do you want to help families in Israel start of in the right foot? Contact me and we'll talk about how you can do that!
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/29/what-binah-baby-is-up-to#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  -*Pregnancy medical papers *
  
  -*Two - hot water bottles (any drug store)*
  
  *-Money, including small change for food/drink machines in middle of night *
  
  *-Red Raspberry Leaves (for tea)*
  
  -White grape juice (as in real grape juice) - one bottle.
  
  -Snacks for husband, and [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/28/what-to-pack-in-the-bag-in-israel Thu, 28 Jan 2010 13:42:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/28/what-to-pack-in-the-bag-in-israel
  -*Pregnancy medical papers *
  
  -*Two - hot water bottles (any drug store)*
  
  *-Money, including small change for food/drink machines in middle of night *
  
  *-Red Raspberry Leaves (for tea)*
  
  -White grape juice (as in real grape juice) - one bottle.
  
  -Snacks for husband, and whomever else is accompanying you (like chewy
  granola bars, or sandwiches easy to make). (Note: You don't have to
  bring for the doula – she's responsible for her own;)
  -Snacks for YOU- grapes or other non-citrus fruits, crackers (preferably
  whole grain, yet easy-to-digest), and a few juice bottles or juice boxes
  with straws*
  -Bottled water - 3 bottles
  -Four - bath towels (some don't provide)
  
  -Plastic Trash Bags for Wet Towels
  -Shower shoes/Crocs
  -A pillow
  -Plastic cups
  -Straws
  -Hair covers/hairbands which are very comfortable
  -Comfortable nightgown with wide sleeves, that you like, and yet you
  don't mind throwing out after the birth (Bazarre Strauss - 30 NIS).
  Otherwise you can wear the hospital's garments.
  chapstick
  disposable undies
  large sanitary napkins-some hospitals only have small ones
  a wash cloth to use as a compress
  -Tehillim, siddur, or other sefarim.
  -IPOD with speakers, with Hypnobirthing mantras/other music
  -Warm socks for after birth
  -Almond oil, unopened (any drug store). Midwives use this for birthing
  stage.
  
  And anything else in particular that will make you feel most comfortable.
  
  * One very effective trick is to have the mother take along a zippy bag
  of "labor cubes" to the hospital, storing them in her room fridge.
  "Labor Cubes" are ice cubes made out of very strong raspberry leaf tea
  (perhaps one cup herb to one quart water, simmered down to half and
  strained) that is heavily sweetened with honey. If the laboring mother
  begins to fade, energy petering out or contractions waning due to lack
  of nutrition, she can chomp on these satisfying slushy cubes, which
  usually will perk her up and kick in some great contractions in a matter
  of minutes.
  — *Beth Barbeau*
  Excerpted from "Tricks of the Trade: Liquids Only," Midwifery Today,
  Issue 81
  
  Take as small a bag as possible because you might end up carrying it around with you.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/28/what-to-pack-in-the-bag-in-israel#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  4.22/1000 live births and under the age of one year. This is due to education, cultural norms in infant care and the health care system. SIDS rates in Israel are sketchy and since 1993, the numbers are hard to attain. Partially, this is due to an [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/25/israels-infant-mortality-rate-is-lower-than-the-us Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:21:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/25/israels-infant-mortality-rate-is-lower-than-the-us
  4.22/1000 live births and under the age of one year. This is due to education, cultural norms in infant care and the health care system. SIDS rates in Israel are sketchy and since 1993, the numbers are hard to attain. Partially, this is due to an avoidance in Israel to perform autopsies. (Autopsies rule out other causes) So, the rates of SIDS we can measure are inside the statistics for Infant Mortality Rates (IMR).
  
  The IMR have decreased from 6.75 in 2007 to 4.22 in 2009. A drop of 37.99% - this is significant! We can infer that the number of SIDS cases in Israel has decreased significantly, as the awareness/prevention efforts have increased.
  
  I personally prefer attachment parenting, I think that many parents are returning to this, as well. Placing babies to sleep on their backs is the recommended position by the Israeli Pediatric Association. But a return to attachment parenting cannot and should not be disregarded in the decrease in the IMR.
  
  The United States IMR is: 6.26/1000 live births.
  
  Now- what do you think the large discrepancy in numbers is due to?
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/25/israels-infant-mortality-rate-is-lower-than-the-us#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby A top obstetrician on why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child
  
  By MICHEL ODENT -
  Last updated at 23:46pm on 15th April 2008
  
  This week, the Mail reported a new survey which said fathers should be allowed to stay overnight in hospital on the day their baby is born.
  
  But how much should a man be [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/24/should-men-never-attend-birth Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:40:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/24/should-men-never-attend-birth A top obstetrician on why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child
  
  By MICHEL ODENT -
  Last updated at 23:46pm on 15th April 2008
  
  This week, the Mail reported a new survey which said fathers should be allowed to stay overnight in hospital on the day their baby is born.
  
  But how much should a man be involved in his child's birth? Leading obstetrician Michel Odent has been instrumental in influencing childbirth practices for decades.
  
  Here, with a view that will outrage many - but will strike a chord with thousands of others - he describes why he believes that when a woman goes into labour, her partner should stay well away.
  
  For many years, I have not been able to speak openly about my views that the presence of a father in a delivery room is not only unnecessary, but also hinders labour.
  
  To utter such a thing over the past two decades would have been regarded as heresy, and flies in the face of popular convention.
  
  But having been involved in childbirth for 50 years, and having been in charge of 15,000 births, I have reached the stage where I feel it is time to state what I - and many midwives and fellow obstetricians - privately consider the obvious.
  
  That there is little good to come for either sex from having a man at the birth of a child.
  
  For her, his presence is a hindrance, and a significant factor in why labours are longer, more painful and more likely to result in intervention than ever.
  
  As for the effect on a man - well, was I surprised to hear a friend of mine state that watching his wife giving birth had started a chain of events that led to the couple's divorce?
  
  Women should be left alone to give birth in peace without the distraction of their partner at their bedside
  
  Or another lady describing how the day after her husband had watched her deliver their child, he had fled to his hometown of Rome, and never returned again?
  
  For many men, the emotional fallout of watching their partner have their baby can never be overcome.
  
  When I was first involved in obstetrics in the Fifties, it was unheard of for a man to be present as their child was born.
  
  Childbirth was predominantly a woman's business - usually carried out at home - and while a man may be in the vicinity at the time of labour, he would usually be found in the kitchen, boiling copious amounts of water, and therefore would miss the actual event.
  
  However, by 1970, a handful of women started to ask for their husbands to be present at the birth, a shift that began to occur in many Western countries at about the same time.
  
  There are a variety of reasons for this, including the fact that birth was being increasingly concentrated in hospitals rather than at home, and the rise of the smaller nuclear family meant women increasingly turned to their husbands for support in all areas of their life, rather than relying on their mothers or aunts.
  
  What we didn't anticipate at the time was that this occasional demand from a handful of women would, in a matter of years, become doctrine.
  
  By the late Seventies, all pregnant women were saying they could not imagine giving birth without their husband at their side.
  
  And not only was the husband now nearly always present at birth, but with his wife clasping his hand during labour and screaming out for reassurance, he became an active participant.
  
  At the time, it was widely believed there were many benefits to be had from the father's presence.
  
  It was said sharing such an experience would strengthen ties between the couple and help the father bond with his baby.
  
  It was said his reassurance would make birth easier, and that the rate of intervention in pregnancy would decrease as a result.
  
  This shift to having the father in the delivery room was one which was shrouded by optimism.
  
  However, little scientific study was conducted to find out if there was any truth to these claims.
  
  And even at the time, I had my reservations. I didn't want to judge, but I knew from experience that the presence of a man is not always a positive thing.
  
  Fast-forward to today, and there is still a lack of scientific study on this subject.
  
  But having been in charge of thousands of births, at homes, in hospitals, in the UK, in France, with the father present, with him absent, I have reached my own conclusions.
  
  I am more and more convinced that the participation of the father is one of the main reasons for long and difficult labours.
  
  And there are a number of basic physiological reasons for this.
  
  First, a labouring woman needs to be protected against any stimulation of the thinking part of her brain - the neocortex - for labour to proceed with any degree of ease.
  
  This part of the brain needs to take a back seat and allow the primal "unthinking" part of the brain connected to basic vital functions to take over.
  
  A woman in labour needs to be in a private world where she doesn't have to think or talk.
  
  Yet, motivated by a desire to "share the experience", the man asks questions and offers words of reassurance and advice.
  
  In doing so, he denies his partner the quiet mind that she needs.
  
  The second reason is that the father's release of the stress hormone adrenaline as he watches his partner labour causes her anxiety, and prevents her from relaxing.
  
  No matter how much he tries to smile and appear relaxed, he cannot help but feel anxious. And the release of adrenaline is contagious.
  
  It has been proven that it is physically impossible to be in a complete state of relaxation if there is an individual standing next to you who is tense and full of adrenaline.
  
  The effect of this is that, with a man present, a woman cannot be as relaxed as she needs to be during labour, and hence the process becomes longer and more difficult.
  
  We must keep in mind that mammals cannot release oxytocin - the key hormone in childbirth - when they are also being influenced by the stressful effects of hormones of the adrenaline family.
  
  I have been with many women as they struggle to give birth with their partner at their side.
  
  Yet the moment he leaves the room, the baby arrives. Afterwards, they say it was just "bad luck" he wasn't there the moment their child was born.
  
  Luck, however, is little to do with it. The truth is that without him there, the woman is finally able to relax into labour in a way that speeds up delivery.
  
  After birth, too, a woman needs a few moments alone with her baby, particularly between the time the child is born and she delivers the placenta.
  
  And this is not just about her need to bond with her baby.
  
  Physically, in order to deliver the placenta with ease, her levels of oxytocin - the hormone of love - need to peak.
  
  This happens if she has a moment in which she can forget everything about the world, save for her baby, and if she has time in which she can look into the baby's eyes, make contact with its skin and take in its smell without any distractions.
  
  Often, as soon as a baby is born, men cannot help but say something or try to touch the baby.
  
  Their interference at this key moment is more often than not the main cause for a difficult delivery of the placenta, too.
  
  But it is not just the fact that men slow down labour that makes me cautious about their presence at the birth.
  
  There are two other important questions that I would like to see answered scientifically.
  
  The first is, are we sure that all men can easily cope with the strong emotional reaction they have when they participate in the birth?
  
  Over the years, I have seen something akin to post-natal depression in many men who have been present at the birth.
  
  In its mild form, men often take to their bed in the week following the birth, complaining of everything from a stomach ache or migraine to a 24-hour bug.
  
  Their wives, meanwhile, are up and about, caring for their baby and in good spirits, and tell me how unfortunate it is that their husband has been struck down by one ailment or another.
  
  But it is well known by those who study depression that rather than admit a low mood, men often offer up a symptom as a reason to why they have taken to their bed.
  
  There are also men who try to find ways to escape the reality of what they have been through.
  
  This could just be a night at the pub, or a day playing golf when their child is a day old.
  
  I've known of perfectly well-balanced men who held their wife's hand through labour then left the next day never to return again.
  
  And in the most graphic example, one perfectly healthy man had his first experience of schizophrenia two days after watching his wife give birth. Was this his way of escaping reality?
  
  Generally speaking, I have noticed that the more the man has participated at the birth and the worse his wife's labour has been, the higher the risks of post-natal "symptoms" are.
  
  Of course, this is not the case for all men, but it seems without doubt that some men are at risk of being unwell or depressed due to having seen their partners labour.
  
  The final question I would like to see answered is what, if a man is present at birth, will be the effect on the sexual attraction he feels towards his wife over the long term?
  
  When men first started standing at their partner's side during labour, I remember my mother's generation saying, very matter of factly, that the couple's intimate life would be ruined as a result.
  
  And, given that the key to eroticism is a degree of mystery, I am left believing they had a point.
  
  There are many things we do in private in order to preserve a degree of modesty and mystery.
  
  And, for the benefit of our sex lives, it may be worth adding childbirth to this list.
  
  I have three children and wasn't present at any of their births.
  
  My first two were born before it was considered normal for a man to be at the birth of their child. But my youngest son was born in 1985, at home.
  
  As it happens, at the exact moment our son arrived in the world, the midwife was on her way down the street and I, having made my excuses realising he was about to be born, was fiddling with the thermostat on the central heating boiler downstairs.
  
  My partner did not know it, but I had given her the exceptionally rare, but ideal situation in which to give birth: she felt secure, she knew the midwife was minutes away and I was downstairs, yet she had complete privacy and no one was watching her.
  
  If there are any doubts, we only have to look across the rest of the mammal world in order to see that no other female, save the human female, invites her sexual partner to witness her giving birth.
  
  Of course, it would not be possible for women to give birth alone.
  
  But the optimum situation for women is to give birth with an experienced midwife, or another woman - known as a doula.
  
  The key to the perfect birthing partner is finding a mother figure who can help, keep a low profile and remain silent.
  
  It is only 35 years since men first entered the delivery room, yet we have welcomed them in without question.
  
  At the present time, when birth is more difficult and longer than ever, when more women need drugs or Caesareans, we have to dare to smash the limits of political correctness and ask whether men should really be present at birth.
  
  When we take into consideration the effects of this on male and female, it seems the answer is not.
  
  It is time to go back to basics, and turn modern convention on its head.
  
  When it comes to the delivery suite, men would be well advised to stay away.
  
  OKAY- What do you think?
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/24/should-men-never-attend-birth#comments 2 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/21/why-choose-a-midwife Thu, 21 Jan 2010 08:49:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/21/why-choose-a-midwife
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/21/why-choose-a-midwife#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/12/babies Tue, 12 Jan 2010 21:14:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/12/babies
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2010/01/12/babies#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  Then the fever broke [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/20/when-things-dont-go-as-planned Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:06:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/20/when-things-dont-go-as-planned
  Then the fever broke (several days later), and I am weak, but here I am - Thank G-d. You know what was the worst part of it? The worry.
  
  I missed a very important conference and I really wanted to be there. I though it was really a crucial step to my work here, in Israel. I hope it won't affect my work negatively! If I had gone (Advil pumped) there were may people who could have been exposed to the illness. And just because I do not advise the H1N1 vaccine for pregnant women, doesn't mean I don't worry for them if they get it!
  
  So I stayed home, slept, and thought about my plan and G-d's plan. We weren't on the same page. So I sigh, accept it and got better anyways! It's a lesson in humility. NO matter how we plan, I eat well, take vitamins, walk regularly, find some "me time" and all... it still didn't prevent the flu from getting me, when I least wanted it! Sometimes we just have to accept what it is.
  
  It works that way in the road to parenting, we plan, prepare, pray, hope. If the outcome isn't exactly as we pictured it, by no fault of our own, we have to know that we did the best we humanly could and the rest is in Hands of Heaven.
  
  
  
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/20/when-things-dont-go-as-planned#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby dreaded trip to the US embassy. I was providing moral support to a person who needed to replace a lost passport.
  
  First, take the train and then a taxi - it's a door to door thing - and easy as you can't believe!
  
  Second, storing your stuff will cost 10 nis. It's two doors down from the main entrance. [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/08/my-trip-to-the-us-embassy-in-israel Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:02:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/08/my-trip-to-the-us-embassy-in-israel dreaded trip to the US embassy. I was providing moral support to a person who needed to replace a lost passport.
  
  First, take the train and then a taxi - it's a door to door thing - and easy as you can't believe!
  
  Second, storing your stuff will cost 10 nis. It's two doors down from the main entrance. Take your wallet and papers. Easy.
  
  If your are a citizen, go through the doors, and they direct you down a nice, clean hallway to a desk to check you off the list (appointments are listed).
  
  You wait in a large room (it has toys for little ones) until your name is called go to the window specified. You turn in your paperwork, then go to the pay window. Pay. Then wait again and agent will call your name and ask a bunch of questions ( to verify that you are who you say you are).
  
  Then that's it, go home. Catch a taxi back to Hashalom station, and go home. That's it. Done.
  
  Yes, folks - it is that easy. Pay a few extra shekel on the taxi - it's worth it's weight in stress reduction!
  
  I am telling you this because there is so much to do about nothing. Going, getting there, dealing with it, it's easy. The weirdest thing was English- it was everywhere! I am so not used to that anymore... and responding everything without a second to define/translate it... I have to admit. That was nice. But stepping out into Israel - was a relief beyond measure. My Israeli taxi driver was "family" and we talked about living here, choices and loving this pace, warts and all.
  
  Okay, so this is not about birth, but I felt born into my choice to be here, yet again! Love to be here and helping you all to transition to parenting.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/08/my-trip-to-the-us-embassy-in-israel#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  I hope you use it... It's easy and efficient. Two things I like :)
  
  Go HERE to check it out! [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/04/cool-tools Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:25:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/04/cool-tools
  I hope you use it... It's easy and efficient. Two things I like :)
  
  Go HERE to check it out!
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/04/cool-tools#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby here to read more. [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/03/maternity-leave-in-israel-is-getting-better Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:15:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/03/maternity-leave-in-israel-is-getting-better here to read more.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/12/03/maternity-leave-in-israel-is-getting-better#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby "Who are you? What work do you do?" I am out in the public eye a lot recently,as I am promoting my new book- Oh Baby! A guide to managing the '4th trimester"- and I am asked this question frequently.
  
  I have had to face that question often and after speaking about it with a friend, [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/30/oh-baby-ive-got-work-to-do Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:23:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/30/oh-baby-ive-got-work-to-do "Who are you? What work do you do?" I am out in the public eye a lot recently,as I am promoting my new book- Oh Baby! A guide to managing the '4th trimester"- and I am asked this question frequently.
  
  I have had to face that question often and after speaking about it with a friend, I realize that if I had to coin who I am and what I do in a few sentences, it wasn't going to be so easy!
  
  So, after many hours, I summarize my role as a "Family Transition Specialist".
  
  Through consultations, I assist Oleh couples with the birth system from fertility through after birth (postpartum). When couples work with me they fell less stress and fear. They feel strong and capable in their role as parents.
  
  My book focuses on the three months after a baby is born, it is a concise and clear guide to managing the time period. I encourage increased support and care so that parents are not overwhelmed, and they are able to start out on healthy and whole.
  
  I realize that, not only am I eager to see changes in this regard, I am absolutely passionate about it. I care about families so much. Last evening, I was thrilled when a new mother I counseled, came up to me with her new baby (2 months). She said it was a great birth, a great new motherhood. She said her husband was so happy. And she loves my book, she says it's doing a lot of good. I knew it was worth it.
  
  I know - I am going to keep doing this for a very long time.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/30/oh-baby-ive-got-work-to-do#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby pregnant women are NOT receiving the H1N1 vaccine.
  
  It might have something to do with a correlation between the vaccine (untested and unproven for pregnancy and children under 2) and miscarriage... it's theory and speculation - but when Israel isn't rushing to vaccinate a segment of the population the other [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/22/h1n1-vaccine-not-for-pregnant-or-those-hoping-to-be Sun, 22 Nov 2009 07:52:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/22/h1n1-vaccine-not-for-pregnant-or-those-hoping-to-be pregnant women are NOT receiving the H1N1 vaccine.
  
  It might have something to do with a correlation between the vaccine (untested and unproven for pregnancy and children under 2) and miscarriage... it's theory and speculation - but when Israel isn't rushing to vaccinate a segment of the population the other countries are rushing to immunize, you've got to wonder what's in this thing! So me, being me, I looked into it.
  
  The liquid that delivers the dead virus, and makes the body react against the virus, is called adjuvant. The adjuvant in the H1N1 vaccine is a combination of several substances that have proved to reduce fertility (by the W.H.O.) and increase neurological symptoms (GB syndrome?). We can't predict who is more or less susceptible. 2500 miscarriages happen daily in the USA. Those who might have been prone to miscarriage - we don't know in advance(!) - are experiencing symptoms of cramping and bleeding within 3 hours of taking the shot. Maybe it's only 1st trimester? No! 2nd trimester miscarriages are occurring within three to six hours post immunization. Maybe they were prone as well? Who knows. Third trimester - early labor symptoms within hours of vaccination! Too much coincidence for my liking. I just don't like it. But I am not telling any woman to refuse it. It's your decision.
  
  I recommend you do your research, like I did mine - I spent hours, days and weeks looking into, speaking to researchers, doctors and others... If you have questions contact me at shoshana@binahbaby.com
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/22/h1n1-vaccine-not-for-pregnant-or-those-hoping-to-be#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby MUST read. By Rabbi Lazer Brody,shlita. Agree or disagree the issue stands.
  
  Yes, I agree they should be done, but early on and that's it.
  
  Rabbi Brody said best.
  [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/19/sonograms-routine-or-routinely-unnecessary Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:10:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/19/sonograms-routine-or-routinely-unnecessary MUST read. By Rabbi Lazer Brody,shlita. Agree or disagree the issue stands.
  
  Yes, I agree they should be done, but early on and that's it.
  
  Rabbi Brody said best.
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/19/sonograms-routine-or-routinely-unnecessary#comments 2 Binah Baby Binah Baby I was pregnant 20 years ago. And again, 12 years ago... [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/13/from-generation-to-generation Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:12:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/13/from-generation-to-generation
  
  I was pregnant 20 years ago. And again, 12 years ago...
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/13/from-generation-to-generation#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby What is unity within a competitive field? It's true happiness for others success, and not being jealous of what another has.
  
  What cannot be yours will not be yours - even if you acquire it now, it will slip through your hands if it was not meant to be yours.
  
  I suppose it's a religious philosophy [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/10/unity-among-colleagues Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:20:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/10/unity-among-colleagues What is unity within a competitive field? It's true happiness for others success, and not being jealous of what another has.
  
  What cannot be yours will not be yours - even if you acquire it now, it will slip through your hands if it was not meant to be yours.
  
  I suppose it's a religious philosophy as much as a social one. What is supposed to be yours - will be. Rabbi Chaim Luzzatto, of righteous and blessed memory, said it best; and I am just paraphrasing and summarizing the concept.
  
  So in a competitive field, don't go it alone. Band together - every one will be stronger because of it. If a potential client comes to you and you don't have connection - don't forget the woman you know, who would click with this client! You have helped immensely, you have garnered the respect of your colleague and the admiration of your community.
  
  A group who demonstrates respect for each other, will garner great regard from the population who acquires services.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/10/unity-among-colleagues#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  "Conclusion: For middle-class women laboring with the support of their male partner, the continuous presence of a doula during labor significantly decreased the [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/09/doula-wealth-or-waste Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:01:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/09/doula-wealth-or-waste
  "Conclusion: For middle-class women laboring with the support of their male partner, the continuous presence of a doula during labor significantly decreased the likelihood of cesarean delivery and reduced the need for epidural analgesia. Women and their male partners were unequivocal in their positive opinions about laboring with the support of a doula. "
  
  So, there are more choices in childbirth. Those of us in the birth field know that this is true, but fact is fact. A Doula or Labor Coach - friend, sister, mother, aunt... - Is a valuable asset to the birth experience.
  
  Result: Wealth not waste
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/09/doula-wealth-or-waste#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby I think that there's a happy medium. But I do write about trauma, birth and fathers in my new book - Oh Baby! A guide to managing the "4th trimester" You should know Dr. Michel Odent is no lightweight in birth. He's a real heavyweight, his observations have been proven true.
  
  A top obstetrician on why men should [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/09/this-is-very-interesting-not-sure-where-i-fall-on-this-one Mon, 09 Nov 2009 08:20:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/09/this-is-very-interesting-not-sure-where-i-fall-on-this-one I think that there's a happy medium. But I do write about trauma, birth and fathers in my new book - Oh Baby! A guide to managing the "4th trimester" You should know Dr. Michel Odent is no lightweight in birth. He's a real heavyweight, his observations have been proven true.
  
  A top obstetrician on why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child
  By MICHEL ODENT -
  
  This week, the Mail reported a new survey which said fathers should be allowed to stay overnight in hospital on the day their baby is born.
  
  But how much should a man be involved in his child's birth? Leading obstetrician Michel Odent has been instrumental in influencing childbirth practices for decades.
  
  Here, with a view that will outrage many - but will strike a chord with thousands of others - he describes why he believes that when a woman goes into labour, her partner should stay well away.
  
  For many years, I have not been able to speak openly about my views that the presence of a father in a delivery room is not only unnecessary, but also hinders labour.
  
  To utter such a thing over the past two decades would have been regarded as heresy, and flies in the face of popular convention.
  
  But having been involved in childbirth for 50 years, and having been in charge of 15,000 births, I have reached the stage where I feel it is time to state what I - and many midwives and fellow obstetricians - privately consider the obvious.
  
  That there is little good to come for either sex from having a man at the birth of a child.
  
  For her, his presence is a hindrance, and a significant factor in why labours are longer, more painful and more likely to result in intervention than ever.
  
  As for the effect on a man - well, was I surprised to hear a friend of mine state that watching his wife giving birth had started a chain of events that led to the couple's divorce?
  
  Women should be left alone to give birth in peace without the distraction of their partner at their bedside
  
  Or another lady describing how the day after her husband had watched her deliver their child, he had fled to his hometown of Rome, and never returned again?
  
  For many men, the emotional fallout of watching their partner have their baby can never be overcome.
  
  When I was first involved in obstetrics in the Fifties, it was unheard of for a man to be present as their child was born.
  
  Childbirth was predominately a woman's business - usually carried out at home - and while a man may be in the vicinity at the time of labour, he would usually be found in the kitchen, boiling copious amounts of water, and therefore would miss the actual event.
  
  However, by 1970, a handful of women started to ask for their husbands to be present at the birth, a shift that began to occur in many Western countries at about the same time.
  
  There are a variety of reasons for this, including the fact that birth was being increasingly concentrated in hospitals rather than at home, and the rise of the smaller nuclear family meant women increasingly turned to their husbands for support in all areas of their life, rather than relying on their mothers or aunts.
  
  What we didn't anticipate at the time was that this occasional demand from a handful of women would, in a matter of years, become doctrine.
  
  By the late Seventies, all pregnant women were saying they could not imagine giving birth without their husband at their side.
  
  And not only was the husband now nearly always present at birth, but with his wife clasping his hand during labour and screaming out for reassurance, he became an active participant.
  
  At the time, it was widely believed there were many benefits to be had from the father's presence.
  
  It was said sharing such an experience would strengthen ties between the couple and help the father bond with his baby.
  
  It was said his reassurance would make birth easier, and that the rate of intervention in pregnancy would decrease as a result.
  
  This shift to having the father in the delivery room was one which was shrouded by optimism.
  
  However, little scientific study was conducted to find out if there was any truth to these claims.
  
  And even at the time, I had my reservations. I didn't want to judge, but I knew from experience that the presence of a man is not always a positive thing.
  
  Fast-forward to today, and there is still a lack of scientific study on this subject.
  
  But having been in charge of thousands of births, at homes, in hospitals, in the UK, in France, with the father present, with him absent, I have reached my own conclusions.
  
  I am more and more convinced that the participation of the father is one of the main reasons for long and difficult labours.
  
  And there are a number of basic physiological reasons for this.
  
  First, a labouring woman needs to be protected against any stimulation of the thinking part of her brain - the neocortex - for labour to proceed with any degree of ease.
  
  This part of the brain needs to take a back seat and allow the primal "unthinking" part of the brain connected to basic vital functions to take over.
  
  A woman in labour needs to be in a private world where she doesn't have to think or talk.
  
  Yet, motivated by a desire to "share the experience", the man asks questions and offers words of reassurance and advice.
  
  In doing so, he denies his partner the quiet mind that she needs.
  
  The second reason is that the father's release of the stress hormone adrenaline as he watches his partner labour causes her anxiety, and prevents her from relaxing.
  
  No matter how much he tries to smile and appear relaxed, he cannot help but feel anxious. And the release of adrenaline is contagious.
  
  It has been proven that it is physically impossible to be in a complete state of relaxation if there is an individual standing next to you who is tense and full of adrenaline.
  
  The effect of this is that, with a man present, a woman cannot be as relaxed as she needs to be during labour, and hence the process becomes longer and more difficult.
  
  We must keep in mind that mammals cannot release oxytocin - the key hormone in childbirth - when they are also being influenced by the stressful effects of hormones of the adrenaline family.
  
  I have been with many women as they struggle to give birth with their partner at their side.
  
  Yet the moment he leaves the room, the baby arrives. Afterwards, they say it was just "bad luck" he wasn't there the moment their child was born.
  
  Luck, however, is little to do with it. The truth is that without him there, the woman is finally able to relax into labour in a way that speeds up delivery.
  
  After birth, too, a woman needs a few moments alone with her baby, particularly between the time the child is born and she delivers the placenta.
  
  And this is not just about her need to bond with her baby.
  
  Physically, in order to deliver the placenta with ease, her levels of oxytocin - the hormone of love - need to peak.
  
  This happens if she has a moment in which she can forget everything about the world, save for her baby, and if she has time in which she can look into the baby's eyes, make contact with its skin and take in its smell without any distractions.
  
  Often, as soon as a baby is born, men cannot help but say something or try to touch the baby.
  
  Their interference at this key moment is more often than not the main cause for a difficult delivery of the placenta, too.
  
  But it is not just the fact that men slow down labour that makes me cautious about their presence at the birth.
  
  There are two other important questions that I would like to see answered scientifically.
  
  The first is, are we sure that all men can easily cope with the strong emotional reaction they have when they participate in the birth?
  
  Over the years, I have seen something akin to post-natal depression in many men who have been present at the birth.
  
  In its mild form, men often take to their bed in the week following the birth, complaining of everything from a stomach ache or migraine to a 24-hour bug.
  
  Their wives, meanwhile, are up and about, caring for their baby and in good spirits, and tell me how unfortunate it is that their husband has been struck down by one ailment or another.
  
  But it is well known by those who study depression that rather than admit a low mood, men often offer up a symptom as a reason to why they have taken to their bed.
  
  There are also men who try to find ways to escape the reality of what they have been through.
  
  This could just be a night at the pub, or a day playing golf when their child is a day old.
  
  I've known of perfectly well-balanced men who held their wife's hand through labour then left the next day never to return again.
  
  And in the most graphic example, one perfectly healthy man had his first experience of schizophrenia two days after watching his wife give birth. Was this his way of escaping reality?
  
  Generally speaking, I have noticed that the more the man has participated at the birth and the worse his wife's labour has been, the higher the risks of post-natal "symptoms" are.
  
  Of course, this is not the case for all men, but it seems without doubt that some men are at risk of being unwell or depressed due to having seen their partners labour.
  
  The final question I would like to see answered is what, if a man is present at birth, will be the effect on the sexual attraction he feels towards his wife over the long term?
  
  When men first started standing at their partner's side during labour, I remember my mother's generation saying, very matter of factly, that the couple's intimate life would be ruined as a result.
  
  And, given that the key to eroticism is a degree of mystery, I am left believing they had a point.
  
  There are many things we do in private in order to preserve a degree of modesty and mystery.
  
  And, for the benefit of our sex lives, it may be worth adding childbirth to this list.
  
  I have three children and wasn't present at any of their births.
  
  My first two were born before it was considered normal for a man to be at the birth of their child. But my youngest son was born in 1985, at home.
  
  As it happens, at the exact moment our son arrived in the world, the midwife was on her way down the street and I, having made my excuses realising he was about to be born, was fiddling with the thermostat on the central heating boiler downstairs.
  
  My partner did not know it, but I had given her the exceptionally rare, but ideal situation in which to give birth: she felt secure, she knew the midwife was minutes away and I was downstairs, yet she had complete privacy and no one was watching her.
  
  If there are any doubts, we only have to look across the rest of the mammal world in order to see that no other female, save the human female, invites her sexual partner to witness her giving birth.
  
  Of course, it would not be possible for women to give birth alone.
  
  But the optimum situation for women is to give birth with an experienced midwife, or another woman - known as a doula.
  
  The key to the perfect birthing partner is finding a mother figure who can help, keep a low profile and remain silent.
  
  It is only 35 years since men first entered the delivery room, yet we have welcomed them in without question.
  
  At the present time, when birth is more difficult and longer than ever, when more women need drugs or Caesareans, we have to dare to smash the limits of political correctness and ask whether men should really be present at birth.
  
  When we take into consideration the effects of this on male and female, it seems the answer is not.
  
  It is time to go back to basics, and turn modern convention on its head.
  
  When it comes to the delivery suite, men would be well advised to stay away.
  
  OKAY- What do you think?
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/11/09/this-is-very-interesting-not-sure-where-i-fall-on-this-one#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby a lot of nerve! [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/10/20/poor-man Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:20:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/10/20/poor-man a lot of nerve!
  
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/10/20/poor-man#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  "Maayanei Hayeshua hospital in Bnei Brak has released statistics according to which a record number of births took place in the hospital in September. More than 900 babies were delivered in that month, 100 more than the previous record month, December 2008. The hospital said that close to 500 of the [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/10/13/some-news-about-the-israel-birth-rate Tue, 13 Oct 2009 08:29:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/10/13/some-news-about-the-israel-birth-rate
  "Maayanei Hayeshua hospital in Bnei Brak has released statistics according to which a record number of births took place in the hospital in September. More than 900 babies were delivered in that month, 100 more than the previous record month, December 2008. The hospital said that close to 500 of the babies born in September 2009 were boys, and that about 10 percent of the births were of twins."
  
  And it gets better!
  
  "The record number for babies born during a single eight-hour shift during September was 24, or three per hour, and the single day with the most births was the high holiday of Yom Kippur 5770. More than 40 babies were born on that day alone. The hospital said that its doctors have determined that the relatively high number of births on Yom Kippur is not due to fasting by patients.
  
  The head of the hospital's Mothers and Women Section, Dr. Benny Chen, said that the most impressive statistic related to the number of natural births, as opposed to caesarean sections, at the hospital. “By G-d's grace, the average rate of natural births is 88.5 percent,” he said. “Only 12.5 percent were born in a caesarean section – about half the national rate.”
  
  Dr. Chen said that the number of births at the hospital has grown by about 10 percent annually since 2006. There were 8,742 babies born in the hospital in 2008 – compared to 6,968 in 2006. The hospital is Israel's fourth largest in terms of births per year."
  
  BTW- The name “Maayanei Hayeshua” means “the Springs of Salvation” and is taken from a verse in Chapter 12 of the Book of Isaiah.
  
  Now that- is Binah, baby!
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/10/13/some-news-about-the-israel-birth-rate#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/09/29/this-is-the-best-part-of-all Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:26:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/09/29/this-is-the-best-part-of-all
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/09/29/this-is-the-best-part-of-all#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby It's often perceived that birth is women's business. That's right, it is. But I think men need some credit in this area. Think about it.
  
  Men are becoming fathers. Every time a woman gives birth, her husband becomes a father again. It means family needs increase. It means that he worries about his wife, the baby, the process and [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/09/24/talking-about-birth-men-are-you-listening Thu, 24 Sep 2009 17:51:00 +0000 http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/09/24/talking-about-birth-men-are-you-listening It's often perceived that birth is women's business. That's right, it is. But I think men need some credit in this area. Think about it.
  
  Men are becoming fathers. Every time a woman gives birth, her husband becomes a father again. It means family needs increase. It means that he worries about his wife, the baby, the process and the outcome. It's a lot of stress on the guys. It's not fair what we've done to them.
  
  What have we done?
  
  Okay, we take these great guys and teach them everything they might need to know about birth so that they can be the support for their wives. We then, take these same guys and... throw them into the fire. They must handle each contraction, increasing in intensity, with a cool calm and level head.
  
  But wait. Most husbands I know can't stand to see their wives suffer. Ever.
  
  Now, here we are throwing them into the center of a process they can only intellectually understand. We are saying- "Hey, get with the program- be calm cool and collected. Remember everything you've learned- but don't expect everything to be exactly that way..." I know that the word to describe it would be: FEAR.
  
  What if the men could get a person to accompany their wives through the process, give the men a chance to be truly helpful, and advocate for his wife and maybe even get a bathroom break? But he would still be front and center, and not miss out on loving his wife and baby. Wouldn't that be great?
  
  The person, who helps a man to give to his wife during birth, is a Doula.
  
  Men have every bit as much right to the support and care of a Doula. Men have every right to know that his wife is in constant, caring and knowledgeable hands. Men experience birth in their own way- but they experience birth, all the same.
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/2009/09/24/talking-about-birth-men-are-you-listening#comments 0 Binah Baby Binah Baby
  (Heads up! Kol Isha...) [...]]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/0000/00/00/the-first-three-are-the-hardest-7 http://binahbaby.com/blog/0000/00/00/the-first-three-are-the-hardest-7
  (Heads up! Kol Isha...)
  
  
  
  ]]> http://binahbaby.com/blog/0000/00/00/the-first-three-are-the-hardest-7#comments 0